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July 21, 2020

I need one of those T-shirts that say “I Can’t Breathe!”  I assume they’re referring to masks because every time I wear one I gasp for air.  The other day I put one on before going into a store and was so frazzled that I dropped my wallet.  Then I dropped it again.  And again.  Then one more time.  The mask not only hinders my air intake, it clouds my brain and impairs my vision.  I’m learning that it helps if I don’t pull it up over my eyes.  Even then, it throws me off balance.  I’ve tripped and fallen flat on my face a couple times.  I think wearing the mask is just as dangerous to older people as The Covid.  

Today I went into a store with my 15-year-old grandson, both of us sporting fashion masks.

Ew, I told him, I can’t stand to breathe my own breath.  

He laughed and said I shoulda used more mouthwash.  That gave me an idea.  They had a sanitizing station at the front door, so I went back and slathered some on the inside of my mask....

May 9, 2020

I’m as sick (pun intended) of Covid19 as y’all.  I wanted to write about something much more pertinent to the times like… um like… I’m drawing a blank.  All anyone talks about, eats, drinks and breathes is the virus.  Well, hopefully not breathes.  Seriously, if I hear “We’re all in this together” one more time I think I’m gonna puke.  Actually I’ve felt a little under the weather lately.  I tire easily, maybe because I’m manic trying to cope with the pressure of being grounded, which makes me feel like I’m a disciplined teenager.  And I’ve had a persistent cough, likely due to the fact that every time I hear another Covid Cliché I choke.  Don’t tell me I need to get tested because I already did and as of yesterday I’m clean.  Notice that I didn’t say I’m negative because obviously I am that.

Being “non-essential” is depressing enough but I’m also classified as one of those inestimable lives that are susceptible to the virus.  Let me just say righ...

April 25, 2020

Here’s a novel idea.  What if we laid off the PC Police and allowed lawmakers to deal with serious health issues without being considered racist.  For example, there could be legislation that only Chinese Royalty be allowed to get the Chinese Corona Virus.  With that reasoning, it would naturally follow that only Chickens could get Chicken Pox and Fowls the Bird Flu.  There may have to be some cross-over codification with those last two, but I’m sure within a month or so they could hammer out some clear guidelines.  Then lawmakers could take on other ailments.  What if only Spaniards could get Spanish Flu, Czars could contract SARS, Ordinary Snowmen get the Common Cold, and only Assistants are qualified to get Aides?  Authoritative figures and influencers (like Congress) would obviously be entitled to Influenza.  To get Small Pox one must be tiny and Hantavirus is for people who have previously died—preferably of hantavirus.   Measles is reserved for those who act rashly and Yellow Fev...

April 7, 2020

I keep hearing about how important it is for non-essential people to remain at home in seclusion during the Covid Crisis.  That leads me to a question.  If I’m non-essential, why does anyone care if I get sick and die?  Referring to someone as non-essential is demeaning.  Where are the PC Police when you need them?  Did they get the Corona?  If so, that would explain it.  Maybe they’re working from home like the rest of us non-essentials, which would essentially make them non essential, which makes perfect sense. 

First, I had to deal with Black Lives Matter, which for no fault of my own excluded me.  Then I was plopped into a basket of Deplorables.   Now I’m referred to as Non-essential.  These days to survive, one needs a good healthy ego with a virus-free body.  That combo makes for an awesome non-essential, which is essential.  So which is it?  Am I essential or not?  

Some of my children are essential.  Two are in...

April 3, 2020

Being in time-out indefinitely is rough—for most people.  I, on the other hand regularly confine myself to my house. I’ve never exactly been accused of being communal, which is a nice way to say I don’t like being around people much.  (The term antisocial is so demeaning, don’t you think?)  But I do want to be grounded on my own terms.  I resent staying home because someone guilts, okay, requires me to do it.  And it’s not that I want grandma to die—hell, I am grandma—but I want to go about my normal life until I croak on my own timetable.  My husband thinks I’m rebellious.  What does he know?  He’s seriously the BFF of every person on the planet.  Being a homebody just isn't in his DNA.  

Anyhoo… we’ve had houseguests for the last two weeks.  Guess they didn’t want to be trapped in their own homes with school out, spring break and all, so they drove the 4½ hours to hang out in ours.  In keeping with our civic duty, 6 grandchildren, 6 adults and 5 dogs...

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