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Who is that Masked Man-date?

At the risk of admitting I got the Old Age, I used to love watching the Lone Ranger.

“Who is that masked man?” people would ask in wonder amidst ooh’s and ahh’s. Then there’s Zorro, Batman and the Dread Pirate Roberts—all heroes born to protect society.


Although mask mandates are now coming to a close, there are still those who think it’s noble to wear masks. For the last year or so there have been an abundance of Masked-Persons lurking around every corner, eager and ready to save the world from evil, unrighteous people who wanna breathe free. Even after the mandates have been lifted I’m still nervous I’m going to run into a protagonist wielding a Zorro sword.


Within the last week I’ve twice been accosted by someone brandishing the lofty Stink-Eye, which, by the way can only look in two directions—around and down. In the supermarket I was standing in line behind an older couple wearing masks. The woman glared at me with the only uncovered feature on her face and huffed loudly, “I’m going to wait outside!” Even the unmasked checker looked sheepish. I wanted to say goodbye and good riddance with the universal Raspberry Wave of the tongue. Of course I’m way too adult for that.


On another day I went into the post office where a masked-man scolded me loudly. “Keep your mask on! You’re inconsiderate and dangerous!” Like I said, I’m an adult, so I only thought of retorting, “Keep your ugly mug covered up—it’s inconsiderate and dangerous!!” I know, good comeback, right?


I don’t know what’s more disgusting, wearing a soggy cloth diaper on your face or following Dr. Fauci like a sheep with the wool pulled over your mouth. It's sad—especially for children whose lives have been negatively affected socially in their formative years and who will never completely be trauma free.


As for me, I’m overjoyed to be legally mask-free. And I don’t want to hear any more from those blind Fauci Followers, even if they think they’re Captain America.