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Oil and Vinegar

During the Opening Ceremony of the Olympics my husband remarked, “See, that American girl? That’s Erin Hamlin, the four-time Olympic loser.”

“At least she tried!” I said in her defense.

He looked at me strangely, but that’s not in and of itself strange.

“Erin Hamlin is a four-time Olympic winner,” he said.

“Make up your mind.”

“She medaled four times in the luge. She’s a luger.” He explained.

Oh, got it. Kind of a big difference there.

I often wonder how many times we misunderstand each other, and I’m not just talking about our marriage. I know there are some colossal differences that are impossible to bridge. Oil and vinegar, Israel and Palestine, Democrats and Republicans, Protestants and Catholics. Of course, there are always a few exceptions. When making a salad for example, oil and vinegar get along swimmingly, if only for a short time. I’ve been to both Israel and Palestine and I know there are remarkable people on both sides of the isle that sometimes play nice. Not sure I can say that about politics. Religion is tricky but tolerance is an option—or conversion.

Generally speaking there’s a lot of miscommunication out there. I have a few well-thought-out ideas to help people communiqué better, thus making the world a better place for everyone.

Let's take a look for example, at the extreme dog person and a passionate cat person. The obvious solution to gracious pet-relationships is to own, understand and love them both. I do and look how pleasantly affable I am. That solved, we need to deal with those cantankerous folks who don’t like either. My shrink told me about a method called flooding. It’s where you take an unwanted behavior and immerse yourself in it. Say, for example you obsess about germs between the tines of a fork. You not only force yourself to eat with it but you drop it on the bathroom floor a bunch of times until wah-la! you’re cured. Don’t presume I’m talking about myself, it’s some other whack job—but the principle here is sound. Diving into a room full of pit-bulls and alley-cats could be just the thing to turn a fierce animal hater into a true animal lover. Or not. (Some people are so set in their ways nothing can budge them from their point of view.)

Let’s try another. I know. Never Trump-ers and Trump Forever-ers. Getting those people in a room together would be like… well, Congressmen and Senators. How about letting the President get on with his duties. Forget the finger-pointing and worry about issues that will better our nation instead of obsessing about your next election? I know that’s about as realistic as my example of turning animal haters into lovers. I can’t imagine anything scarier than diving into a room full of White House bitches and pussies. Talk about oil and vinegar—mixing Chuck and Nancy, Paul and Mitch into a dressing would poison a salad.

So are you ready for a real solution? Drum roll please…

If they can't get along like true Olympians, send em down the luge.