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Rules Regulations Restrictions

What's the correct way to place the toilet paper roll, forward or backward? Should you floss before brushing or the other way around? How should you put your socks away, roll them like a potato or a piece of sushi? These important decisions really ought to have a set rule. Maybe we should get our legislature to write one up.

Let's take a closer look at some of their 3 R's—rules regulations and restrictions. I get the Click it or Ticket mentality and Don’t Drink and Drive. Duh. And I understand that Speed Limits might not save time but they do save live. But I think there could be some flexibility for consenting adults on lonely stretches of highway in good weather. I’m ready to wager that under those conditions I’m just as safe driving 90 mph as I am going 75 or 80. If I veer off the road I’m peanut butter and ketchup on toast anyway, so what’s the big deal. Sorry, am I rambling?

Some policies are impossible to enforce, like Don’t pee in the pool or Criminals cannot carry guns. Doesn’t matter what the rulebook says neither offender would give a rat's asset about decency or lawfulness. Then there are the self-governing rules of etiquette. DON'T talk with your mouth full, Sneeze in someone’s face or Pass gas in an elevator.

Some directives are just dumb. I’d like to know who regulated packaging for pills and capsules that makes it impossible to get them out of their impenetrable plastic and reinforced foil. By the time you get those babies open your cold is better or the allergy season has come and gone. Seriously?

Government already regulates healthcare, toilets, light bulbs, energy, minimum wage and on and on. My question is this. Will there ever be enough rules? Do we have to get a hundred new ones every time a governing body meets? I love the Trump mentality that for every new regulation signed in, two are signed out. I’m pretty sure he got that philosophy from me. I’ve always said laws need to have a life and death cycle: beneficial laws may live but others must die.

If only the State Legislature would adopt that policy. Every single time they are in session, a mountain of new laws are crammed into the rulebook. I’m not saying laws should not be created, just that they should be made sparingly and analyzed from time to time. I get that it’s fun to make authoritative rules--I'm bossy myself--but sensible power must be carefully constructed. You know what really makes me crazy? It’s that members of the legislature judge their success on how many bills they concoct. Personally, I evaluate their competency on how few bills they sponsor. In this case less is seriously more.

Here's a new one that’s really got my halo spinning. It’s a bill passed to supply druggies with fresh needles. Yup, that doozie was majority approved. In theory the old needles were supposed to be swapped for brand new ones but in reality there are now more than twice the needles lying around parks, streets and gutters. Good thinking, law makers. And it gets even better. In addition to the shiny new needles not traded for rusty old ones, “drug use packets” are widely distributed, complete with tourniquets and a small baggie of tiny gauze squares to filter out gunk when the needle meets the heroin. They even hand out viles of overdose remedies. Some places even have vending machines stocked with junkie supplies. You think I’m kidding? I wish I were. Maybe next year they will complete the ensemble to include the actual drugs as well.

But I digress. Have you heard of a law that says you have to dust before you vacuum? Or is it vacuum before you dust? You may want to take that up with your State Legislator.