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Pride, Prejudice and Zombie Zealots

What’s a Zombie eat for breakfast? Let me think… oh yeah, brains. So answer me this. Why in heaven’s name do I know what a Zombie eats for breakfast, and don’t tell me that you don’t know. Everyone does because Zombie culture is so ridiculously everywhere.

I cut my teeth on Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte. I devoured the romantic tales of Elizabeth Bennett and Jane Eyre and have probably seen every movie version of them both. So when I saw that there was a new Pride and Prejudice in theatres, I drug my husband to the box office. I guess if I were really that great a reader I would have caught that the full title was Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I shouldn’t have been surprised, because duh… why wouldn’t a classic like Pride and Prejudice have a Zombie version?

Zombies have infiltrated human culture with a feverish passion for a long while and they don’t seem to be going out of style anytime soon. There’s a Zombie version of every imaginable venue—books, movies, comics, video games, and TV shows ad nauseam. It’s Zombie overkill, as if there’s any other kind.

Frankly, Zombies bore me already. I get enough of the flesh-feeding frenzy watching the political candidates go after each other. Political Zombies don’t just go after brains; they go for the vital organs and then finish off the meal attacking a person’s character for dessert. Like all Zombie attacks it’s either eat or be eaten. The mild mannered politicians are almost always swallowed whole. But I guess when civilization itself is at stake, all's fair.

Another place Zombies run rampant is in Middle School. There is widespread face-chewing in the halls because brains there are a scarce commodity. When I go to the Jr. High School my knees go weak and my limbs literally turn to rubber. It’s a terrifying experience. Though there are still plenty of attacks on the High School leve at least there are survivors that have learned to toughen up.

The absolute worst Zombie assaults are Cyber attacks. It’s easy for a coward behind a computer to suck the life out of a victim using virtual violence with calloused brutality. These vile, malicious, soul-sucking Zombies are easily defeated with a stroke of a delete key, but sadly, by then the target brain is often infected. These faceless bullies are a scourge on humankind.

There are two things I’ve learned from the blitzkrieg of Zombie works. First, the world needs good human beings to stand together to defend the defenseless. Second, It doesn’t matter how wide-spread an idea is… if it ain’t true, it just ain’t true.

Still, I wonder what a Zombie would eat for breakfast after the last human had joined its ranks. Would he starve to death? Instead of finding out, maybe we should all just get along. That would be fiction at it's finest.