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Girlie Girls

I throw like a girl. I can scream with the best of them at the sight of a mouse and spiders freak me out. I like shopping, cooking, sewing, fairy gardens and bubble baths. I love dangly earrings and wear them even when I'm gardening. So would you say I’m a girlie girl?

My eight-year-old granddaughter, Flora, is a girlie girl. Even her name is feminine. I looked in Flora’s purse one day and this is what I found: A hairbrush, her keys, sparkly make-up, a couple of crumpled dollar bills, and a gun. (Don't freak out, it was a toy.)

Flora probably gets her girlie-ness from me. If you look in my purse this is what you’ll find: A hairbrush, my keys, dark red lipstick, a wad of cash, a couple of knives and my Ruger 380 with hollow-point ammo.

I don’t go anywhere without my 380. It’s as girlie as it gets in its delicate pink case. (Again, don't freak out-- I have a concealed carry permit.) I have a few other pieces in my collection, and I’m not talking about jewelry. If that doesn’t impress you, you should see my purple 9mm or my pink camo Walther P22. My Colt AK15 assault rifle isn’t quite as lady-like, but I can handle it like a lady, and that ain’t no insult. I am too girlie for a shotgun, though, no matter what Joe Biden says.

I once had an old boyfriend (the key words being once and old) who wanted his girlfriend to do her hair up, keep a manicure and wear four-inch heels. It didn’t last. A ball cap keeps my hair up just fine and digging in my garden would break my nails if they weren’t already bitten down to the quick. The heels, however, would make a dandy weapon. But I already have four inches in a bone-handled one-of-a-kind bowie knife with a Damascus blade and its stylin' pink mother of pearl back up.

So why would a girlie-girl like guns and knives better than chocolates and flowers?

Duh! Do you really have to ask?

It’s not like I want to hurt anyone—I wouldn’t hurt a fly. Well, maybe a fly. I did shoot a snake once, which was awesome. But here’s the thing. There’s something thrilling about putting a hole through the center of a bullseye. It’s like golfing without the funny clothes. Trying to hit a ball into a small hole isn't much different than target practice. Oh, I can hear you arguing that golf is safer than shooting, but a golf club in the wrong hands can actually be quite deadly. Granted, gun safety rules have to be followed religiously and you can't be distracted from them even for a moment.

Being able to handle a gun gives a girl confidence and security as well as protection. It's a skill that could come in handy one day for a girlie girl. And knives are just, you know, cutting edge cool.

Bottom line? There might be more to your everyday girlie girl than meets the eye. In other words, you never know what she might be packing in her designer bag. As a wise gal named Annie once said, "Anything you can do..."

So hey, girlfriend, grab your purse and your gun and let’s do lunch!